Maybe time to leave the desert, no?
Swore off God last night-
“Don’t want me to have your love and favor? FINE! Keep it! I don’t need it!”
Just got out from praying at Our Lady of the Lake.
I’ve done all I can. Gone absolutely as far as I’ve been able, and further than I’ve ever seen anyone else go trying to do right by God,
and all the people.
Who are themselves God, if I’ve got my numbers right.
Seemed to get the absolute worst of the worst.
Those days are over.
Wrote to Taylor today- “Nobody anywhere is happy with me.”
Immediately got a gig.
They’re not happy with me because I’m no longer living just to please them.
20 yrs. ( and truthfully, my whole life) I’ve been trying to serve God by serving everyone else.
They didn’t get it.
While being scapegoated, used, disrespected, and I don’t think there is an ounce of goodwill toward me from them.
They acted like they thought I was one of them, but they damn well knew I was not.
Largely unconscious folks.
Completely boring folks.
And they are boring simply because of the willful unconsciousness.
Maybe I’m being too hard on them.
Nothing compared to what they were on me.
Once I’m chilled from this, I’ll be fine.
Peace be with you

– John